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You Are Too Young To Throw Away Your Life Marie!!! (S&D)

by Mary Beth Corbett

I was in a town somewhere in Mid-America and stretching as far as the eye can see in both directions were fast food restaurants, cheap clothing stores, and gas stations. In the middle of this mess was a tiny house that sat conveniently to the left of a Taco Bell. I approached the house, went inside, and saw my roommate Marie in a wedding dress. I began to worry and stress because I did not know that Marie was getting married. I thought to myself ?she just turned 21 and is way to young to be giving up her dreams to live in a small town in the middle of nowhere as a housewife!? Anyway, as the preparations went on in this house, I put on my bridesmaid dress which was a hideous salmon color, and saw that in the other room there were an assortment of Stanford football players. I wandered over to say hi and realized that they were also in the wedding because Marie was marrying this guy who she had been semi-dating on the football team. It then became clear to me what was going on and I knew that I had to get to the church early so I could practice the song I was going to sing for the wedding. I get to the Catholic church, meet several members of Marie?s Puerto Rican family, practice my song, then get out of there.

As I?m leaving the church, the sky gets suddenly dark and I instinctively know that I need to get out of there because something bad is about to happen. I suddenly notice that the church, which is conveniently next to a KFC, has a forest behind it. I run into the forest and weave my way through the trees as I begin to hear horrible noises, a mixture of screams and spine-tingling screeches, from outside the forest. Suddenly I stumble along a band of small children in the woods who are all huddling close together and scared for their lives. I tell them to come with me and that I am their mother now which they immediately accept knowing that I would be an awesome mother. All the sudden there appears to be a cave in the distance. But wait?its not a cave?it?s a deserted subway tunnel similar to the ones in New York. There are no lights but I know that we have to go down there because the bad things are coming. As we make our way down the tunnel I turn around to see that hundreds of zombies are coming at us, and not regular zombies but the ones from 28 Days Later, so they are very fast, smart, and can turn you into a zombie in 15 seconds or less. I lead the children into a hidden part of the underground system and we wait there til all the zombies run by.
Suddenly several months have passed and my band of small children and I have made ourselves a little home down in the subway system and have set up several booby traps and mazes so when the zombies come down we can allude them. For the rest of the dream, there are only two zombie attacks and I was able to save all the children from harm and kill all the zombies single handedly without worry or care. I realize at this point that Laura Croft has got nothing on this killing machine (ME) who also happens to be perfectly toned while still maintaining her woman figure. The kids love me, all is well, and I am perfectly fine WITHOUT A MAN BECAUSE I DON?T NEED ONE TO HAVE HAPPINESS!!!
This is when I wake up and realize that I need to stop watching zombie movies, quit listening to my Southern mother telling me I'm worthless without a man who I can do the dishes for, and maybe look into getting an internship in the Department of Education because I really care about the welfare of children.

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