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A Very Different Kind of "Religious Experience" (S&D)

by Anonymous
(Stanford, CA)

One night while stargazing with my friend Kelsey in Hawaii, I dozed off and had the most bizarre dream. In my dream I was in the middle of a deep discussion with Kelsey in which I was trying, in vain, to make her understand what I was saying.

I was explaining to her that my best friend's brother, Humuhumunukunukuapua'a, or something like that, (his actual name is Joey...) was in the process of forming a huge navy because he didn't trust Vatican City (it might also be relevant to note that I had been reading "Angels and Demons" earlier that day). Anyway, I continued, because he didnt trust the Pope, he made a huge boat and set sail in search of the scholars to talk to about spiritual wisdom.

Kelsey, however, still didn't seem to understand what I was talking about, so I went on to explain that the reason he was looking for spiritual wisdom was to determine why all the stars kept shooting across the sky. But, when Humuhumunukunukuapua'a finally found the religious scholars, (they were at some underground casino in Egypt) they told him that all the stars were shooting because they were going to the cleaners, because Kelsey had worn them.

Satisfied with my explanation, I looked up to see Kelsey frowning. She apparently had finally understood what I was getting at and told me that we had to go to Egypt right away to pick up her stars from the cleaners. On the way over to Egypt (we went via surf-board), we passed the Pope scuba-diving. When we saw him I immediately asked him why he was being so dishonest with Humuhumu and he admitted that it was because he was jealous of Humuhumu and wanted to be a Hawaiian warrior just like him.

After the Pope apologized, I felt sorry for him so I invited him to come with Kelsey and I to Egypt to pick up her dry-cleaning. The Pope agreed and we eventually found ourselves in an Egyptian club underneath the Sphinx, partying with the Pope, the religious scholars, and Humuhumu while the stars lit up the dance floor and the Pope tried to get everyone to take jello shots. It was quite an experience.

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