Forced Sleep Sex Happened Twice and I Never Knew Until Now!
This happened to me twice in college by two different BFs. One was a long time BF of about 2 years. He was older than me so had already graduated and I had driven down to spend my Spring Break with him.
We weren't having any problems at the time. Things seemed perfectly normal. We spent the week doing the usual things (including having sex) and then one night, very late, after we'd both gone to sleep, I felt him start rubbing all over my body. I was annoyed, like "really? It's 3am" so I told him to stop, I wasn't in the mood.
He kept right on, never saying a word. When he started forcing my pajama bottoms and panties off, I got pissed and said, loudly, "LEAVE ME ALONE. I SAID I'M NOT IN THE MOOD!". But he just kept right on, very forcefully pulling my clothes off and then positioning himself on top of me. I tried pushing him off and kept saying things like, "what the f--- are you DOING??? GET OFF ME!". But he was quite a bit bigger than me and so easily pinned me down and continued on, without the tiniest bit of hesitation, and seemingly totally ignoring me. I was in TOTAL SHOCK, like "what the hell is happening here? Is this some kind of over-the-top horrible joke? What the hell is he's doing? Is this REALLY happening?"
But once he actually penetrated me and then proceeded to roughly - almost mindlessly - rape me, I basically stopped struggling or talking. Each time I tried to fight him he just held me down tighter and got rougher. He even grabbed my hair at one point. I was quiet because clearly he didn't give a crap about what I was saying and was going to do what he wanted to do.
When he finished he just rolled over and went to sleep. I was just laying there intensely angry and totally grossed out. I wanted to KILL him, as he was just laying there like nothing happened, peacefully snoring. Instead, I got up and washed off in the bathroom and sat on the toilet for a good long while before going back to bed.
The next day he acted as if nothing happened. I was so pissed. When I confronted him he acted completely shocked and claimed he had no recollection of any of it. OMG, I was SO PISSED that he was claiming no memory. I was in his face like "you don't REMEMBER? Really? You seemed pretty awake to me". And he did. I mean, NOTHING indicated that he was asleep. His actions were completely driven and coordinated. He reacted to my resisting by becoming more forceful, as if there was definite premeditated motivation. So, I just refused to talk about it I was so incredulous. I just warned him that if he EVER did that again I would press charges and never speak to him again. He continued to seem completely surprised by everything I was saying.
For years I have chalked up this incident to his being horny and an asshole and not owning up
to his bad behavior. Now I'm wondering if he was telling the truth. Still seems pretty unbelievable to me.
The second incident was similar, a long time BF seemingly without a "rape-y" bone in his body (he was more the cuddly teddy-bear type) --- but here it was, happening to me again. I was staying the night at his place and was caught even more off-guard than the first time. I woke up to him on top of me, just before he penetrated me. So, it was even more nightmarish. It was like one minute I was in deep sleep and the next I was waking up to 220 pounds on top of me and an erect penis suddenly entering me. I had absolutely no time to even react.
Again, I tried to escape the situation by pushing him off me, but again, I was pinned under his sheer weight and by his arms on either side of me, pinning me down. Another thing that made this incident worse than the first: it went on forever - or at least it seemed that way to ME. It might have been only 10 minutes, but when a man is INSIDE YOU, when you don't want him to be, and he's violating you in order to fulfill his own selfish desires, a minute feels like an hour.
I just laid there trying not to think about what was happening. I was so disgusted and angry that I couldn't even speak. I just prayed for him to hurry up and be done - which he finally did. And I literally wanted to throw up when he groaned and grunted like some kind of animal when he came.
After he finished, just like with the first incident, he simply rolled over and went right back to sleep. I immediately got up, took a hot shower, packed-up EVERYTHING that I owned at his place, tossed it all in my car and took off. I went back to my place and spent the rest of the night feeling rage and disgust and anger at myself for "letting" it happen again. I felt like an idiot. Like the "girl who gets raped in college because she can't spot the closet asshole / rapist in the crowd". I felt humiliated and used. I had thoughts of going back to my BF's place and actually killing him!
And just like with the first incident, he claimed to have no recall of the events. And, as before, my BF apologized. One key difference? This guy minimized the event, saying things like, "was it really THAT BAD? We have sex all the time. What's the big deal? Is it really THAT terrible that this ONE TIME you weren't that into it? I don't even remember it at all and it doesn't bother me. It's not something I feel the need to dwell on. For all I know, you DREAMED it and it didn't really happen". That was when I knew it was over.
Now looking back, I wonder if both these guys suffered from sexsomnia
. I'm not convinced, but it's possible. Thankfully, this has never happened to me again!!