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Help Me To Understand

My son's girlfriend told us that the round, red welt on my 10 month old grandson's head was from her dreaming about fighting with someone and in her dream she bit the person on the shoulder, and woke to her baby son screaming in pain.

Should I be worried that this is something very serious and could continue or worsen? My son and his girlfriend are insulted and angry at me for questioning it. Could this just be an isolated incident? They have a crib but they don't use it. They are only 20yrs. old and she is a very angry person. I don't know what to do, if anything. I just don't want this to turn into one of the horrific stories I just read about on this site.

Kevin: Thanks for sharing your story. This doesn't have to be an isolated incident. If the girl has demonstrated acting out her dreams in the past, she could very easily act out the dreams again in the future. Depending upon the content of the dreams, this could be dangerous for the baby if they are sleeping together in the same bed. If it was me with elements of RBD, I would sleep separately from the baby, and see a sleep specialist who may be able to help me prevent my RBD symptoms.

All the best,
Kevin


(Please keep in mind that I am a student of sleep science and not a medical doctor. Please take any thoughts I give with my background in mind.)

Comments for
Help Me To Understand

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Jun 29, 2011
 Do the right thing
by: Anonymous

Hi,

I had read about co-sleeping and it seemed to me that this was a lovely way of being a family unit, especially the idea of breast-feeding in the night and then falling back to sleep again. I had hoped that I might be able to do it when I am a mother.

However, my partner has (as yet undiagnosed) RBD and I could not and would not risk it. We would have no choice but to put our (future) children in their own room(s) for their own safety.

I would urge your son and his girlfriend to alter their sleeping arrangements as a matter or urgency. This is not about some imagined concern; this is responding to something that has already happened.

For this to happen once is perhaps forgiveable, certainly if this was the first time. For it to happen again would be unacceptable. She must take every action to safeguard her child from her (sleeping) self.

If she continue to sleep with the child, she risks it happening again. It is not impossible that she could kill the child, which would be terrible. (And certainly people have been killed during episodes of RBD, look it up.)

Of course, this might just be a one-off, but would your risk it?

She may be angry now (perhaps this is hiding shame?), but how will she feel if she injures or kills her son? Remind her that you are speaking from your heart out as a parent/ grandparent.

If you do not have a good relationship with her, consider whether it is worth getting your message across via your son or someone else who she is more likely to trust. But do not shy away and do not let this one go. This is a time when keeping the peace has to come second to doing what's right.

Good luck.
Jun 29, 2011
 Thanks To The Anonymous Commenter
by: Kevin Morton

Thank you to the above commenter for the strong sense of urgency and for putting the matter in perspective. I too think co-sleeping sounds like a beautiful and harmonious idea, but if there's a risk from a sleep disorder (or a potential sleep disorder) of harming the child--mildly or severely--that's a risk that absolutely shouldn't be taken. And if the baby's parent(s) don't see that, this would be up there with the most worthwhile times to intervene.

I particularly like the way the commenter puts it here: "This is a time when keeping the peace has to come second to doing what's right." The peace won't matter if something tragic were to happen. Thanks again to the commenter for the great perspective provided.
Jul 16, 2011
 I Only BIT Once
by: Becca

As I posted elsewhere, I bit my little granddaughter. It has only happened once, but I talk and flail my arms and legs occasionally.

I didn't let myself zonk out like that again when reading the grandbebes to sleep, though.

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