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Hurtful Things Said During Sleep Talking

by Kerry
(Canada)

I think I have to be the most honest person I know. Tonight when I went in to bed, I told my boyfriend I loved him as I was trying to snuggle up to him. He told me "That's untrue." I asked what's untrue and he countered with something I didn't understand and then clearly said "All your lies."


Is this his subconscious talking? Does he really think I'm lying to him about my feelings and other things? Normally he says funny and off the wall things so I usually like talking back to him when he starts, but tonight it was just upsetting and now I can't sleep and so I came looking for an answer... if there is one.

And more importantly should I tell him about this and ask him when he's awake if this is how he truly feels or if there are doubts in his mind? Could this be why that would have come out in his sleep talking tonight? Doubts of my sincerity?

Comments for Hurtful Things Said During Sleep Talking

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Feb 17, 2015
You could bring it up lightheartedly
by: Kevin

Hi Kerry, If he was asleep when he said it he may not have even processed the words you said, but rather just responded automatically with a rather general retort. I don't think it's something to necessarily worry about. However, in these cases it can be useful to bring up what happened in a lighthearted way so that it doesn't weigh on you. For instance, you could jokingly give him a hard time about what he said in his sleep talking to you last night. If he responds jovially, surprised, or sincere, it was likely meaningless. If he responds awkwardly or has trouble talking about it, maybe it's something to talk about more seriously. But in its own right, it's probably not fair to judge someone's true feelings but what they say while sleep talking.

Mar 09, 2015
Very hurtful - but true? NEW
by: Merri K,

I read with interest the comments of Kerry and Kevin. I know that it is a sleep phenomena, but my partner has said some really surprising comments about an old girlfriend from the long ago past. I thought she was long gone, so to speak. This has happened three nights in one week in different forms. He even calls out her name. Yup, I feel scared about the relationship now, but I will try hard to be positive for both of us. Hang in there everyone with the same concerns!

Mar 26, 2015
feeling really bad about my sleep talking NEW
by: Dan

I am a sleep talker and I have said and will say nasty horrible things in my sleep, I feel really bad because I love my family but my partner now thinks I hate her and don't love her which is untrue as she is so positive for me. I don't know why I say these things in my sleep and I genuinely don't remember any of it. I have done a little bit reading about it and it seems hopeless.

Mar 29, 2015
My husband loses sleep because of my sleep talking NEW
by: Anonymous

I don't think that anyone should try to hold someone accountable for something they said or did in their sleep. My husband of 18 years has told me that I say horrible things in my sleep. These range from me thinking that he is not letting me sleep, to screening and yelling at him, telling him how stupid he is, etc... I love my husband more than anything and I feel bad for the stuff that I say while I'm sleeping. I honestly have no memory of the things I do or say, he just tells me the next day and I'm always shocked. He says it's hard to deal with sometimes, but he understands that it truly isn't me being aware of what I'm saying. Sucks though...

Jul 11, 2015
I Sleep Talk NEW
by: Anonymous

Please don't worry. He doesn't know what he's saying and tbh he may not even think he's talking to "you" as in you may be an ex for instance or a family member.

I sleep talk, walk and once ate (all my Christmas calendar chocolates). I used to have arguments with my ex and he said I looked as if I was awake. I've been aware something was wrong for a long time because when I was young my mother would come in to check on me and I would say the most horrible things. She would tell me the next day and it broke my heart as I loved her dearly and we were so close.

I know it hurts, just as much as it can hurt him to know he's made you feel like this. Please talk to him. You can have an agreement where by you wake him up *properly*. But beware, I have looked to be awake before. Maybe a cold damp flannel on the neck, head or back. But decide together what you do before you do it.

I'm 30 now and still scream to be woken up, I don't recall any dream to make me do this. My mother passed away when I was 17 and I still call for her till this day. I also lucid dream where I wake myself up but am not really awake but I am in another dream which looks like my life,until I realise the lights won't work then I realise I'm still asleep. It is merely a habit to be broken. Make sure he has enough sleep and uses good sleep hygiene as this will help minimise the occurrences or maybe the current scenario he's going through but if it is chronic like mine tell him to mention it to his Dr. I went to a sleep clinic and am "fine" but through blood tests have noted some underlying problems which I never thought could affect my sleep. High platelets and white blood cells, severe vitamin deficiencies which can all play a part. The body is like a house. If the foundations aren't solid the house will struggle so it must be addressed.

Apr 20, 2016
I have said horrible, mean things and hit my boyfriend in my sleep. NEW
by: Anonymous

It's so horrible and I don't remember any of it. It happened recently again, just last night, and my boyfriend says he loses sleep over it. Apparently I tell him he's worthless and that I can find another man. He won't tell me everything I said last night but it is breaking my heart that I am such a horrid witch to him in my sleep. I don't know how to help or what to do about this and it's hard to convince him. He has an abusive family and has some emotional problems already, and I'm his one light in the day he can come home to. But at night when I'm in deep sleep apparently I throw my love for him out the window. I recall these times I've said things to him being linked to bad dreams sometimes, but other times I don't remember even having a dream so I can't link my horrible things I say to him to just having a nightmare. I wish I knew if there was a cure for this. It seems we both have sleeping disorders, and I got the most harmful one. :(

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