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I Relate, I Guess - I Want To Sleep But I Don't Want To Go To Sleep

by Al

I'm usually fine sleep-wise except for every once in a while, maybe once a month, I'll stay up all night for no reason. I don't really get it; I usually have no reason to stay up so late. Maybe it's a challenge to myself.

Anyway. I've gotten maybe eight hours of sleep in the past three days and it's weighing pretty heavy. I can trace this issue to several things - family issues, loneliness, school. But honestly, the reason doesn't matter that much. I'm really tired but I'm almost certain I won't go to bed earlier than midnight.

I look like hell, my eyes were bloodshot today and I've been chewing my bottom lip and picking/biting my fingernails incessantly; it hurts to blink but it hurts to keep my eyes open. However, there isn't really a significant loss of focus at school. My schoolwork quality remains roughly the same as ever. I do think I'm looking a bit fatigued.

This morning after maybe four hours of sleep I woke up feeling worse than I had in a while and thinking I'll be 'damned if I let myself smile today'. The worst part is, I genuinely want to go to sleep, but for the past three days I just can't. I think I could if someone was with me or if I was 100% certain that I would dream, but I'm not. I keep dreading the thought of waking up again and hating it, like this morning.

Unfortunately, I've got a project due tomorrow which, predictably, I've procrastinated terribly on; I've got an excuse not to sleep, in other words. I usually manage to catch up on sleep on the weekends but I'm not sure if I can do it with the crazy amount of sleep I've already missed (over 16 hours, possibly).

I guess I don't have any advice on this, I was just trying to get it off my chest. I really wish I knew why I was so averse to sleeping; again, I want to sleep but I don't want to go to sleep, per se, or wake up. Furthermore, I wish I knew why the unmotivated symptom isn't present here. I'm normally a very unmotivated person and it's strange that I'm not unfocused. I'm fifteen and in high school.

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Welcome! This site is continuously being created by students of Dr. William C. Dement's Sleep And Dreams course at Stanford University.

We made this site as a call to action for people all over the world to live healthier, happier, safer, and more productive lives by learning about their own sleep. We have faith that reading the information provided on this site will motivate you to be smart about your sleep deprivation and strategic about your alertness in order to live life to your fullest, most energetic potential.

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