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My boyfriend raped me... while he was asleep.

I've been in a relationship with the love of my life for 2 years now. I sleep over almost every night, and we have a very healthy active sex life. However, I have woken up several times in the middle of the night to my boyfriend trying to engage in sex-- all while he is deeply asleep. He never remembers in the morning when it happens, or he'll wake up partway through and act completely confused. He has a history of severe sleepwalking and sleeping so deeply that it is nearly impossible to wake him up. I shrugged this off as a weird quirk of his, considering nothing serious had happened as a result.

Last night, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to do it again, while asleep. Only this time, I did NOT want to have sex. For the first time I tried fight him off. I pushed, twisted, shoved, told him to stop many times and that he was hurting me, but he did not respond other than to continue forcing himself on me. He was so strange, silent, and forceful that beyond being completely shocked, I became very afraid. Despite my efforts to the contrary, he had complete sexual intercourse with me. It was a painful and traumatizing experience.

He woke up about ten minutes after it was over, bewildered as to why I was hysterically crying and pulling my clothes on to leave.

I feel so violated, disgusted, and depressed. I can't stop crying and reliving the memory of last night. He apologized to me today, but all I could do at the time was communicate my extreme distress and hint that I wanted to leave him. I changed my mind later and tried contacting him, but he's completely withdrawn from me and I'm getting no response.

Should I break up with him, even though he didn't mean to do what he did? I feel like I was raped, I'm even in physical discomfort today, but he's my longterm boyfriend and it makes no sense that he would consciously rape me when he knows he could have consensual sex with me whenever he wants.

Also, I'm very afraid at this point because I've done some research and the fact that my boyfriend sexually assaulted me puts him at the extreme end of sexsomnia. I'm terrified that he could do more serious injury or even kill me in his sleep, never knowing what he was doing.

I'm so devastated and I don't know what to do.

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Mar 18, 2015
my boyfriend is the same NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm just trying to do some research as my boyfriend tries to have sex with me in his sleep p. (I thought I was alone but I'm happy to now there are others) its only Thursday and I have woken up three times this week and either he's made himself partially naked, or me. I work night shift so after being asleep for only 30 minutes I'm far to tired to wake up while he's doing it, whatever that is. I'm not complaining sure whether he has full sex with me or just touches me, but that's what worries me most.. The fact that I don't even know what he's doing.but yes I spend every morning telling him that he makes me feel violated and disgusting and like I am afraid of being raped ever u night i gp to bed. All i ever get is a "sorry" because he can't remember doing anything.

Jan 17, 2015
He may not be Raping you
by: Anonymous

I believe your boy friend has something known as sexsomnia. Since you say he also has a history of sleeping walking, it is highly possible. check this link :

I don't think he is raping you, i would suggest you talk to him and consult a psychiatrist.

Jun 10, 2014
by: Anonymous

I was awoken to the feeling of sex and realized my now ex RAPED me in my sleep. He may be RAPING you. Don't be fooled!

Jan 26, 2013
by: Lynn

I read about what happened to you. I think you have to put a hold on being with him at night while sleeping until he agrees to get help and then gets help. If he refuses or starts and doesn't follow through, how can you ever be safe? You deserve to be safe and he deserves to have a woman who loves and trusts him. How can you love and trust him if he is not taking steps for you to be safe. It may take you a while to get through this trauma too and you may need counselling. It may not have been his counscious intent to sexually assualt you, but that is how your emotions and body experienced it - it sounds like you experienced as an assualt that he intended to do. I don't know much about this condition, but I remember reading that there may be a medication that is helpful. Please don't handle this by yourself - go to a qualified professional.

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