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My boyfriend raped me... while he was asleep.

I've been in a relationship with the love of my life for 2 years now. I sleep over almost every night, and we have a very healthy active sex life. However, I have woken up several times in the middle of the night to my boyfriend trying to engage in sex-- all while he is deeply asleep. He never remembers in the morning when it happens, or he'll wake up partway through and act completely confused. He has a history of severe sleepwalking and sleeping so deeply that it is nearly impossible to wake him up. I shrugged this off as a weird quirk of his, considering nothing serious had happened as a result.

Last night, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to do it again, while asleep. Only this time, I did NOT want to have sex. For the first time I tried fight him off. I pushed, twisted, shoved, told him to stop many times and that he was hurting me, but he did not respond other than to continue forcing himself on me. He was so strange, silent, and forceful that beyond being completely shocked, I became very afraid. Despite my efforts to the contrary, he had complete sexual intercourse with me. It was a painful and traumatizing experience.

He woke up about ten minutes after it was over, bewildered as to why I was hysterically crying and pulling my clothes on to leave.

I feel so violated, disgusted, and depressed. I can't stop crying and reliving the memory of last night. He apologized to me today, but all I could do at the time was communicate my extreme distress and hint that I wanted to leave him. I changed my mind later and tried contacting him, but he's completely withdrawn from me and I'm getting no response.

Should I break up with him, even though he didn't mean to do what he did? I feel like I was raped, I'm even in physical discomfort today, but he's my longterm boyfriend and it makes no sense that he would consciously rape me when he knows he could have consensual sex with me whenever he wants.

Also, I'm very afraid at this point because I've done some research and the fact that my boyfriend sexually assaulted me puts him at the extreme end of sexsomnia. I'm terrified that he could do more serious injury or even kill me in his sleep, never knowing what he was doing.

I'm so devastated and I don't know what to do.

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Mar 19, 2016
please help?? NEW
by: Anonymous

My child's father had an episode very similar to this last night. I wanted to have sex so I tried to wake him up, but instead he forced himself on top of me & forcefully made me give him oral sex while not saying a word. He then "finished" by jetting off on me, all while I was fully clothed. When he was done, I jumped up & told him how disgusting & sick I thought that was & he just went right back to sleep. This morning when I told him what happened he didn't believe me. I don't know what to do, that really scared me & I will never be able to engage in any sexually act with him & feel the same way again. I told him I am done & I cannot be with anybody who is going to do that to me, ads you don't do that to somebody you love. Also, he did this in front of our 2 month old son, but fortunately he was asleep at the time. Please, anybody, give me some advice on hoe to handle this situation.

Mar 18, 2016
rem sleep behaviour disorder??? NEW
by: Anonymous

My long time partner of ten years also had the same problem. We finally got help by doing sleep clinics and found that he had a rem sleep behavioural disorder amongst other things(sleep apna, BPD, c-ptsd also). At first it was the kick now and again then moved really quickly to having his hands against my neck. We did all the normal things separate rooms etc but our relationship was failing due to his night problems. Eventually it stepped up to raping me while in his sleep.again very confused as he had no memory of any of it happening. I can't bring myself to tell him all the details that he wants to know as I re live it many times. He is on medication now and last episode was nearly three years. I have forgiven him but I can't forget. Please please please if this has happened to you by your partner talk about it and get help. It could be something underlying. I could of been dead by now if I didn't push him to get help.

Feb 14, 2016
Similar situation NEW
by: Anonymous

I just want you to know that you're not alone. I cried reading your story because I have been dealing with very similar issues for about 5 years now, but much more frequently in the last 6-8 months. I don't know what to do.. he has offered to sleep on a sofa we have in our room, but that's not fixing the problem.. like what's going to stop him from just sleep walking over to the bed? I'm really here to seek advice, but also wanted to reassure you. It's not okay, and because your consent wasn't given, it's sexual assault, whether he knew he was doing it or not.

Jan 26, 2016
huuh? NEW
by: Anonymous

Umm, how can someone rape another one while he's asleep??

Jun 29, 2015
I did this to my partner
by: Anonymous

My partner said I did this to her last night, all I remember is going to bed we had sex then went to sleep and I woke up this morning and my partner had already left for work. When she came home she told me that I forced myself on her and she was horrified with me to which my response was it was her idea as it was before we went to sleep and she said no the second time, I told her there was know second time I just went to sleep. She then told me in detail of how I started taking her clothes off an hour after going to sleep how she had said no and how I continued unresponsive, she kicked me punched me as hard as she could and I never woke at any point. I haven't slept since and I haven't got a clue what to do my little girl had got into bed with me the night before after having a nightmare now I'm petrified she does it again incase this happens I've apologised profoundly to my partner, she accepts it wasn't me but she too is also afraid to go to sleep. I'm going to try ring the doctors but I don't know what to say I raped my girlfriend in my sleep doesn't seem plausible to me

May 08, 2015
be safe
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend does something similar.. He sleep talks, and he talks as if we're having sex while he rubs my and humps me (sorry, gross lol). At first I was entertained. And then one night he kept going. I was yelling his name and trying to wake him up and finally he did. He just looked down, him in me, and asked what was going on. He's never held me down and forced me but I was shocked. Thank you for sharing. This is crazy

Mar 18, 2015
my boyfriend is the same
by: Anonymous

I'm just trying to do some research as my boyfriend tries to have sex with me in his sleep p. (I thought I was alone but I'm happy to now there are others) its only Thursday and I have woken up three times this week and either he's made himself partially naked, or me. I work night shift so after being asleep for only 30 minutes I'm far to tired to wake up while he's doing it, whatever that is. I'm not complaining sure whether he has full sex with me or just touches me, but that's what worries me most.. The fact that I don't even know what he's doing.but yes I spend every morning telling him that he makes me feel violated and disgusting and like I am afraid of being raped ever u night i gp to bed. All i ever get is a "sorry" because he can't remember doing anything.

Jan 17, 2015
He may not be Raping you
by: Anonymous

I believe your boy friend has something known as sexsomnia. Since you say he also has a history of sleeping walking, it is highly possible. check this link :

I don't think he is raping you, i would suggest you talk to him and consult a psychiatrist.

Jun 10, 2014
by: Anonymous

I was awoken to the feeling of sex and realized my now ex RAPED me in my sleep. He may be RAPING you. Don't be fooled!

Jan 26, 2013
by: Lynn

I read about what happened to you. I think you have to put a hold on being with him at night while sleeping until he agrees to get help and then gets help. If he refuses or starts and doesn't follow through, how can you ever be safe? You deserve to be safe and he deserves to have a woman who loves and trusts him. How can you love and trust him if he is not taking steps for you to be safe. It may take you a while to get through this trauma too and you may need counselling. It may not have been his counscious intent to sexually assualt you, but that is how your emotions and body experienced it - it sounds like you experienced as an assualt that he intended to do. I don't know much about this condition, but I remember reading that there may be a medication that is helpful. Please don't handle this by yourself - go to a qualified professional.

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