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My Husband Attacked Me In My Sleep Due To REM Behavior Disorder And I'm Terrified

by Rachel
(Maryland)

My husband and I have had a great marriage. He's a wonderful man who wouldn't hurt a fly, and wouldn't let anyone hurt me, especially never himself. He's always done some strange things during his sleep, from moaning, to even doing a karate chop, and different things, that never warranted me to be scared, and he was easily woken by me just shaking his arm briefly, and would quickly fall back asleep.


However, this past Thursday night, my daughter came into our bedroom to tell about a nightmare she had. My husband was asleep and never awoke. I put our daughter to bed, and then came back into our room and climbed into bed next to my husband again. He had all the covers close to him, so I tugged the covers ever so slightly and said "babe, can i have some covers?", he FLIPPED around to face me so fast and then SHRIEKED at the top of his lungs. And not like a scream of fear, but more like he was trying to scare something away, a very deep shriekd, eyes wide open staring at me.

He then put his hand around my throat and forcefully pushed me off the bed causing me to knock into the nightstand, hurt my arm and fall onto the floor. As i scrambled to get up, he got up out of bed so quickly and stormed after me cornering me in the hallway, but standing about 1 1/2 feet in front of me, STILL shrieking loudly, hands up in the air, and one of his knees up in the air, almost like a karate move that you would make, he stayed like this, eyes staring into mine, his tongue hanging out and just screaming at the top of his lungs at me, this lasted for about 4 minutes straight.

I was screaming and absolutely terrified that he was about to attack me, with my daughter sleeping behind the door right behind me. Finally, he lowered his
arms and knee, closed his mouth, looked at me and gave me this evil grin, turned around, walked back into the bedroom, laid down on his side of the bed, and just closed his eyes. After that I said "Babe, is it you? is it you?" over and over again, becuase I was so scared, and he was just looking at me confused and said "what? what's wrong???", and i told him what he did, crying my eyes out. and he then was so scared.

He thought he had been posessed, he said he vaguely remembered screaming and doing something with his arms, but he had no idea he was actually doing it in real life. He was crying, and my husband NEVER cries. He was scared that he had just done what i showed him. I ended up making him sleep in a hotel becuase i was deathly scared to go back to sleep next to him, i was absolutely terrified and STILL am.

The next night i slept at a friend's house, and for the last 3 nights I have slept next to him, but i awake between 3-5am and can't fall back asleep because I am scared to move a muscle no matter how stiff my arms/legs are from being terrified to move thinking that I will awake him and he will attack me again.

I'm terrified now during the day and terrified of the dark. Every sound and movement scares me. I'm so afraid that although it hasn't happened since, that next time, he could possibly kill me. I don't know what to do. I love my husband and he has been the most caring, amazing, and sweet man I could ever imagine, but I am terrified of him when he's asleep. Please anyone that has any advice whatsoever, I just don't know what to do, and I would love some reassurance that this won't happen again, but I think I may be foolish to think that it won't. Please help.

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Jan 26, 2013
 Be safe NEW
by: Anonymous

I don't think you two should handle this alone. It is a medical condition. Ask you doctor for a referral to a sleep specialist. I don't know much about it, but there may be medications that can help your husband not act out his dreams. Your family doctor may be able to prescribe something as well. My father has the same thing, though not so dramtic and I did research into it for him.
May 13, 2013
 Attacked husband NEW
by: Anonymous

My recent episode of night terrors has been the worst one yet... I am seeking medical attention asap! I woke up to my husband asking why I was holding my hand over his face and trying to keep his hands away. I had no idea what was going on but he kept asking(he was obviously frieked out) I am not a violent person! I started crying and saying idk, idk. I was frieked out myself thinking i am a psycho or something( I have normal intelligence, and am a christian) so this was very scary. I am afraid to go to bed now as to not wanting to hurt him again. :''''(((
Jun 23, 2015
 Grabbed my girlfriend’s neck with one hand while asleep with my eyes open NEW
by: Justin

Last night, I was apparently twitching my arm, and my girlfriend was awake while I was sleeping. She touched my arm while my head was facing hers, and my eyes opened while I was still asleep. Her eyes were looking directly into mine, and I suddenly got up and grabbed my girlfriends throat with one hand, she screamed and moved away, and I suddenly woke up and was startled. I immediately wanted to cuddle with her and make her feel better. I did not know what happened, because I was completely unaware of my behavior. I think I might have been subconsciously scared, I do not know. I had absolutely no control over what I did, and my eyes were open while I was still sleeping, and I woke up while my eyes were open. I never experienced this before, and it is very weird. My girlfriend was crying, and I felt bad. I had no idea what I did until she explained it after words and I was thinking through what just happened. It was like being possessed and not in control of my own body. It was very strange.
Sep 04, 2015
 wht to do wht is it NEW
by: Anonymous

last night i again woke up to see my husband doing strange he was peeking trought our room door and was smiling ear to ear and saying if this has happened and then i said wht r u doing and his face expressions change to woke up in sleep within a sec and said i was looking for blanket it scared me out after that he wake up walk to my side of bed and went back quickly. it didn't happened for 1st time couple days ago i woke up because he was hitting something on our bedroomfloor
Sep 04, 2015
 wht to do wht is it NEW
by: Anonymous

last night i again woke up to see my husband doing strange he was peeking trought our room door and was smiling ear to ear and saying if this has happened and then i said wht r u doing and his face expressions change to woke up in sleep within a sec and said i was looking for blanket it scared me out after that he wake up walk to my side of bed and went back quickly. it didn't happened for 1st time couple days ago i woke up because he was hitting something on our bedroomfloor
Oct 20, 2015
 I am scared of what I did NEW
by: Anonymous

So, at around 340 am this morning I attacked my fiance. I have no idea why; but my fiance tells me she was catching me from falling and I woke up to grab her throat and yell at her. I vaguely remember this in dream, and apparently; I pulled her hair too. I remember her scent pulling me out of it and just feeling paranoid and frightened, while holding a crying loved one. She seems scarred by what happened, what can I do?
Mar 03, 2016
 Husband with night terrors NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband has similar instances. When he is sleeping, if he is startled, sometimes he will "wake up" and scream at the top of his lungs. He tried to hit me once during one. He wakes up after and does not remember much, only dream like terror/nightmare. After the second time, I made him see a doctor who said it was night terrors. Apparently it is rare for adults to have them. He prescribed a seizure medication, but we opted not for him to take it because of the side effects. Looking back, we realized that there were similar triggers. They happened when he was really stressed. He was asleep first and startled awake (a loud noise, me waking him and talking). When it happens now, I flop on top holding him and telling him it's me and ask him to wake up. Once he wakes up, it stops.
Mar 13, 2016
 husband hitting NEW
by: Anonymous

Should I be concerned. My husband is on donecpt for first stage of Alzheimer's. He sometimes screams or talks in his sleep but lately he has started to hit and punch me in his sleep. He gets a fright and wakes up and realizes what he as done and has said he is concerned about what he is doinghe he says he is also very concerned and says what else he could do to me do without knowing
Please I need advise
Jun 13, 2016
 Re: Husband attacked NEW
by: Anonymous

Thankfully I didn't hit my wife last night. But this just happened to me. And I think the only reason I didn't attack her is because I'm a light sleeper. But I was asleep, and she was coming to bed, and our door made a noise when she opened it and I must have been in a dream or something because the next thing I knew was that she was screaming at me and I was out in the hallway right in her face and she thought I was going to attack her. It was horrible. I woke up, I was disoriented, and I felt terrified the rest of the night with chills going up and down my back. Even this morning it still gives me the heeby-jeebies. I don't ever want that to happen again.
Jun 16, 2016
 Afraid of future terrors NEW
by: Rose

Last night, for the first time, my boyfriend woke up screaming like someone was killing him. It scared me so bad, I was shaking. His mom suffers from the same thing too but she sleepwalks so I am scared that my boyfriend will start to sleepwalk and possibly hurt me. He has anger issues (though he would never hurt me) so that's why I am afraid he'll end up hurting me in his sleep thinking I'm something or someone else.
Jul 08, 2016
 accidentally grabbed my moms throat in my sleep NEW
by: Rionna

Ive had a similar experience. However I had went to bed early the one night and later my mom had come in to say goodnight to me and I awoke with my mom sitting on my bed and I realized that I was grabbing her throat very hard. She later described to me that I was digging my finger nails into her and trying to pull her throat off. She didn't want to startle me when I grabbed her throat so she da there and gently tried to wake me. When I realized what I was doing I began to bawl and hug her and apologize. I would never want to hurt her and I had no idea I was even doing it until I woke up...
Oct 04, 2016
 This has gotten outta hand NEW
by: Anonymous

This happened to me yesterday afternoon. My boyfriend works graveyard shifts. Well he got off work and came over and went to sleep. It was durning the day so I was up well I went to the living room for a second and when I got back in the room and was about to get in bed and cuddle up with him. His eyes opened wide and he started yelling and cussing as me telling me to get the f*** back. It scared me. He started kicking as me . As I backed up he jumped out of bed and acted like he was about to punch me still yelling at me. As I tried to walk out my room because I didn't know what was going on we were in the hallway and he started to strangle me . I couldn't breathe. I kept trying saying babe it's me calm down. Right before I was about to pass out from not breathing . I got his hands from around my neck and ran away. I was terrified! I still as right now I'm on the couch because I'm so scared if I move the wrong way he will kill me. I honestly don't know what to do . I love him but I just can't sleep next to him until we figure out what's going on .
Oct 13, 2016
 Sleep in separate rooms! NEW
by: Anonymous

I've been suffering with my husband's sleep terrors for 26 years. It's not fun. He screams, cusses, runs around the room, grabs me, and smacks me. He tried medication for it, but it made him so tired during the day that he couldn't function at work. Honestly, the smartest thing to do is just to sleep in separate rooms. I need to take my own advice and do that.
Dec 14, 2016
 This just happened NEW
by: yikes

My fiancé is accustomed to my night terrors, but last night was a little different. Apparently I startled, flipped over, kicked the cat off the bed, hit him twice, my entire body went rigid and I sat upright, and then I just laid down and went back to sleep. I am so embarrassed. This is unusual because normally I don't act out against anyone in a night terror- normally I just wake up screaming and sometimes I wake when I'm already on my feet and running. This time I don't remember a thing, was violent, and according to him, the entire episode was soundless. I was also VERY deeply asleep- I didn't wake up when his alarm clock went off and he had to wake me at 7:15 so I would make it to work. In general, I wake up at every little thing. It feels like I am still asleep and dreaming right now, even.
Dec 28, 2016
 Bad NEW
by: Anonymous

Hi my girlfriend is pregnant and had few months left but last night I actually had punched her in my sleep in her belly and when she tried to stop me I nearly broke her wrist. I feel so so bad for what I have done and I really don't know if she wants to be with me now I love her to bits and a I would never in a million years hurt her like that intencually I'm really scared myself. This has happened few times now and I don't know what to do. I really don't want us to finish nor do I verify wanty lovely girlfriend to be terrified of me. It's not good and I feel like I'm a monster or something. My name is Joe I just never knew I could do that to my girlfriend. I really hate myself now.
May 25, 2017
 Night terrors NEW
by: Anonymous

This is so strange. One time my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and he fell asleep for a bit but I woke him to go get me a drink when he got up he started walking extremely fast with his head bent over towards our laundry room and continuously kept walking in to the door saying "I don't want to go" until I came over to him and woke him but he remembers nothing. Other than that he frequently wakes up in the night yelling or moaning but wakes up as soon as I yell "babe!" But last night was scary. We were on the couch and once again he had fallen asleep so I said babe multiple times and he would not wake I hit his foot and he wouldn't wake up and I hit it harder and he opened his eyes wide and threw himself at me trying to strangle me yelling agh!!!!! And I screamed babe! And he immediately hit the floor in a hurdle position as if he was terrified but he has no recolition of what happened but just as last time complains his neck hurts. Not really sure what to do, but I am just afraid my voice won't wake him next time and he may actually hurt me.
Aug 25, 2017
 70 yr. old husband back to night terrors NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband was diagnosed with Parkinsons over 2 yrs. ago. He then went on the medication for it. Before that I had to sleep in another room his night terrors were so bad, at the time I did not know why, they went on for 8 yrs. he broke a lamp one time in the room nest to me one night. One he was diagnose and got on medication the night terrors were gone, thankfully!!!
Now the night terrors are back with a vengeance and right in timing with some real stress going on, so it throws me off, is it stress or Parkinson's getting worse? I went back to bed with him when the terrors stopped. Scared to death of him, he jerks in his sleep...all this as of 5 days ago, right in time with his stress!! Last night, he flipped and swung his arms behind him at me, I quickly grabbed him by the wrist and stopped it in my sleep!!! Holy 💩,I put a barricade up of pillows between us last night. I told him of what he did, he doesn't remember, but he saw my pillows!! I'm getting him back in the other room quick!!
Sep 11, 2017
 I can relate so much! NEW
by: Anonymous

Reading this made me want to cry. I'm also married to someone with night terrors and I have been attacked a few times. I'm so scared that he can really hurt me. Since the first time (which was the worst one) it changed me. I've been afraid of the dark. I'm so paranoid at night. I have to leave the tv on or have music or a podcast playing. It helps to keep my focus from being scared. I was such an emotional wreck I had to go to therapy and my doctor prescribed me some pills (like a sedative) to calm me at night. I was also diagnosed with PTSD after the incident. Some nights are really hard. The very first time it happened I was attacked in the middle of a sleep and it was pitch black, and I thought a crazy stranger broke into my room and was trying to kill me. When he ran to the door and cracked it I couldn't believe it was him. After that day every time he got close to me I started shaking. Months later I was still an emotional wreck and I dropped out of college. I received therapy once I got home. (This is when we were just dating). It has been around 7 years since the first incident, and so much has changed. I can't do a lot of things that I use to do. Now when he has an episode I wake up when he first start to move. Since the first time it changed me to a light sleeper. It's like I can feel it before he comes at me or make a move, and I'm ready take action (which is usually block, guard myself and call his name to get him to wake up). My heart rate skyrockets and afterwards we sleep in separate areas. He always feel so bad about it and I don't want him to feel worst. I don't like to talk about it because I don't want to make him feel bad. I just wish there was a group I can talk to about it. It can be really scary sometimes.
Dec 28, 2017
 Girlfriend choking me while sleeping NEW
by: Anonymous

Me and my girlfriend was sleepin i woke up with her hand around my chin as she was tryin to go for my throat with her eyes open, so i waited then i sai said something she closed her eyes and went back to sleep and dont remember anything the next day, another case is i woke up with her standing above me on bed not sayin anything then she laid back down and went to sleep, this stuff creeps me out!
Jul 08, 2018
 Same issues NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband is confused and violent at night from dreams.

I tried to leave but he drags me inside and calls the police if I talk to a friend or take a walk. He is terrified of losing me and tells me my whole family disapproves of me etc. Verbal abuse is constant since he never sleeps well. If well rested he is nice but his coughing and allergies are chronic. He blames me.

He has not been healthy. Allergies. He blames all of his medical problems on me and attacks me believing I caused his chronic serious respiratory problems.

He attacked and threatened me tonight. My nurse friends say he has "confusion" and to not see him.

I sleep on the couch and stay 50 feet away from his sleep room. I lost my study and bedroom but got access to food this way. Good luck.

Jul 31, 2018
 The strange voice of my husband NEW
by: Marisol Zahynaichenko

We have been married for almost two years, sometimes when he sleeps I hear him talking in his native language (Russian), but yesterday he did something that scared me so much. He was talking with a very weird voice that I have never heard before, his voice was like if he was an older man, it wasn't English, it wasn't Russian, I tried to wake him up talking in a very lovely way to wake him up, then he started moaning like if he was in a lot of pain, his voice was so deep and so diffedent, he sounded like if it was a completely different person. Then I got super scared and started saying "wake up, wake up" but he grabbed me by my arms and started shaking me against the bed screaming in my face with a very weird voice and eyes open, I started crying so much I was in a lot of pain and very scared, then he finally started talking with his voice and he was so confused. I asked him not to touch me because I was so afraid of him and I asked him to turn on the lights and check the clock and he stood up from the bed and turned the lights on and then he looked to the clock and it was 3:34 am. He got so scared and I told him about what he did and he didsn't remember anything. It's night again and I'm still thinking what to do if he becomes violent again while sleepig, he's much more stronger than me and we don't know what do.
------
And I am her husband Bogdan, and I don't remember anything at all until I woke up all scared and terrified. We prayed and called our parents. I'm 23, my wife Marisol is 22. I love my wife a lot and I'm really afraid that I can hurt her while c asleep...
Aug 19, 2018
 Terrified of sleeping next to husband NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband does this type of thing about once a month or so, sometimes less frequently, where he suddenly jumps over me out of the bed, then starts shaking me or yelling in my face. He refuses to believe he is doing this, insists it is me having delusions or dreams. I wake up absolutely terrified, and once he is awake I feel like he is almost gaslighting me into believing I have done something wrong, and will argue with me about what really happened, while I am sitting there shaking and crying.
Every time I get pulled out of sleep this fast, i go right back to being that kid being dragged out of bed by a screaming angry father. ( my father had rage issues when I was young and frequently pulled me out of bed my my hair kicking me in the ribs for things I didn’t know I was in trouble for)

My husband is funny kind and caring for the most part, so I can’t understand why he won’t believe me when I tell him what he does. Tonight He woke up on the floor with a giant scratch from the dresser, which tore his boxers, and he still won’t apologize or own up to it. My husband is in law enforcement and I am afraid one day he will think I am an intruder. He has woken up once a few years ago thinking a stranger was looking in the window, and he pulled out his gun and pointed it at the window while yelling.
Jan 07, 2019
 also attacked NEW
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend of 18 months years has these attacks, too. We are not together anymore.

It started out with him kicking me really hard. At first, I thought he was just kicking, but then I realized he was kicking me. We were together about 3 months when this stuff started happening. In 18 nonths, I think I woke up to him choking me about 7 or 8 times.

Once it happened twice in the same night and I vaguely remember almost losing consciousness. He doesn't think he does this although he said his former gf said he did it, too.

The worst episode was one night he started kicking and I woke up just in time to see him jump out of bed. His eyes lit up strangely and he was talking in a deep voice and he said, I'm going to fucking kill you. I jumped out of bed and kept screaming his name and to wake up. Finally he did. But, I never ever slept with him without a light on after that. And, I knew once I felt the first kick, I had to get him awake or I would be choked.

He has no memories of these incidents an sometimes says they really don't happen even though his former gf told him the same thing. I never slept thorugh one whole night with him after these events. It would take me forever to fall asleep. He would be asleep within one minute of closing his eye and the kicking could start soon after. One time he did tell me he dreamt he was street fighting. The scariest thing was he kept a loaded gun in the headboard.

The choking happened in many places, ie, my bed, his bed, on vacation.... so it's like there was no way to explain it.

I hope my story helps someone.
Feb 26, 2019
 Got Bitten at Night NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband is in his 80's. He started screaming in his sleep about 10 years ago. He would scream loudly then sometimes sit up. Later on he started kicking and then punching the air, Occasionally, I got kicked, but he would wake up when I yelled his name and said it me, wake up. He would open his eyes for a minute then lie down and go back to sleep. He had only one episode a night and usually they occurred about an hour or two after he first went to sleep. I was hospitalized several months ago for a heart condition and in the hospital for 9 days. He was very upset about this. The first night I came home from the hospital to sleep in our bed, I was awakened by him biting my hand. I started screaming and trying to get away from him. I thought he was actually going to bite a chunk out of my hand. When I got away from him, I jumped out of bed and turned on the light to see if I was bleeding. He was sitting up looking dazed. I kept yelling :you bite me". Finally, he woke and when he comprehended what he did, started crying. My hand was not bleeding, but I had a puncture wound from his tooth on the top of my hand and it hurt badly. Months later, I still have numbness between my pinky and ring finger on the had that he bit. I guess the puncture wound was directly on a nerve. We have been sleeping in separate rooms since.
Jun 20, 2020
 Lost and confused NEW
by: Anonymous

My fiance has this condition. At first he would literally jump out the bed and run to the corner of the room, he just stands there with this mean look on his face and his fists up. I call his name..turn on the nearest light and he wakes up..Well...the incidents are getting worse hes now physical with me. I was 9 months pregnant and we fell asleep holding hands..(Bad idea) I woke up to him on top of me and my very pregnant stomach, I was trying to pry him off of me without injuring my baby. I hurt my hand trying to get away from him, and the pain lasted for months. Fast forward, I gave birth to our son, I thought maybe we had moved past these night terrors. I gently tapped him on the shoulder to let him know I was going to use ths restroom, so keep an ear out for the baby. He looked at me and started punching me in my neck, my arms, everywhere. I'm screaming his name because that's what usually snaps him out of it but this time it didn't work. I'm telling telling him "its me!!" He says "who the fuck are you?" Luckily I had put our son in his bassinet before waking him otherwise he would have been injured to. At this point I am terrified to sleep at night especially now that we have a baby. I want to protect him from his own father. I know he doesn't mean to do it but i cannot allow this. After that incident I asked him to stay at a hotel until he sees his doctor. I cannot risk him hurting me nor our newborn. He says he will sleep in the basement but I am so terrified that the basement will not stop him. I dont know what to do, I've never seen anything like this. Melatonin seems to help and keeps him from going to the extreme but he still sits up in bed,looks very confused and lays back down. I almost feel like ending the relationship as he poses a huge risk to our baby. ,
Jun 20, 2020
 Update after my Sept 2017 post NEW
by: Anonymous

Hello, I’m the person who wrote the "I Can Relate So Much" post from September 11, 2017. I just wanted to give an update. From one of the earlier post I saw someone give advice and suggesting sleeping in separate rooms. I took their advice and I’ve been doing that for the last couple years and it has helped. I would also suggest sleeping in separate rooms. I was to fearful of even getting up to go to the bathroom, because some time moving could trigger his night terror. I was even too nervous to scratch my back if I felt an itch. Of course I miss cuddling up at night, but my paranoia and anxiety was horrible. The fear became too much and now I sleep in another room with the lights on of course, since I’m afraid of the dark (since the very first incident).

Now we cuddle before bed and have our time and when it’s time for bed we go in separate rooms. They only time we sleep in the same room is on vacation, and sometimes I still might sleep in another room if we have a suite. If we have to be in the same bed/room I remember to say a prayer for protection and a prayer that he has a peaceful sleep with no night terrors. He hates sleeping with a light on, but he’s a little lenient on vacation, so we come up with a light compromise. A simple night light won’t do for me. I need a few (enough for him to recognize me if needed).

We don’t have any kids yet, but I’ve preplanned that the kid will be in the room with me and he wouldn’t be able to watch the child alone at night. If I had to go somewhere I would have to take the child with me. It sucks that we have to think ahead, but as long as everyone is safe. I also keep a door open that’s in front of the bedroom door, just in case he runs out the bedroom I will hear it. If a kid was involved I would probably set up some kind of cameras and intercom device to be safe, because when it happens he only snaps out of it when he hears a voice and if there’s a lot of light.

In reference to the previous post, I have also kissed my husband on the cheek and received a fist to the neck. It happened probably 2 months ago. I came in the room to check on him, and I completely forgot to say his name first. It totally slipped my mind. I always speak before I approach him when he sleeping just in case and that day I forgot. It was daytime and he was sleeping in that day. As soon as I kissed him on the cheek he went into panic and swung on me, but I’m usually on guard so I go into blocking mode and instantly start speaking so he will snap out of it. I guess because it was daytime and there was a lot of natural light in the room I forgot to take precautions. Unfortunately for us ladies who have to deal with this, we have to always be on guard and proceed with caution.



Question for everyone who has experience this:

Is anyone else a sensitive sleeper now? Since the first incident 10 years ago I wake up instantly when I feel a shadow over me. I also go into panic mode if there’s a blackout no matter where I am. The first incident (which was still the worst one) happened when it was pitch black. I use to love sleeping in the dark and now I can’t because it terrifies me. The PTSD kicks in. I use to think that with time I would become me again, but I had to realize that this is just how it is now. I had therapy after the first incident, and I started counseling in the beginning of this year. I
Jul 28, 2022
 Dare I get a separate room? NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband is severely chronically depressed,often suicidal and has been under treatment for many years. He is also OCD, had REM sleep disorder and Parkinsons disease. His acting out during sleep at times is violent and strong and terrifying. Yes, I am a very light sleeper now and at first flinch I go into my internal alarm mode. Generally I grab his arm or push away fjrom him and at times must shout his name and STOP! as loudly as I can as he thrashes.
I did not wake him last night but chose to exit the room and went to lie down in another bed. Finally the adrenaline subsided and I fell asleep only to hear his shuffling feet, hard breathing and woke with a start to see his angry stance demanding to know why I was "in there".
Dare I insist on separate bedrooms if he is suicidal as w ell? It has been recommended by his sleep apnea specialists, other doctors and friends but I am so afraid to make any changes as it might trigger his acuate symptoms. I wish I had a crystal ball and knew what to do.
Jul 28, 2022
 Should I dare use separate rooms? NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband is severely chronically depressed,often suicidal and has been under treatment for many years. He is also OCD, had REM sleep disorder and Parkinsons disease. His acting out during sleep at times is violent and strong and terrifying. Yes, I am a very light sleeper now and at first flinch I go into my internal alarm mode. Generally I grab his arm or push away fjrom him and at times must shout his name and STOP! as loudly as I can as he thrashes.
I did not wake him last night but chose to exit the room and went to lie down in another bed. Finally the adrenaline subsided and I fell asleep only to hear his shuffling feet, hard breathing and woke with a start to see his angry stance demanding to know why I was "in there".
Dare I insist on separate bedrooms if he is suicidal as w ell? It has been recommended by his sleep apnea specialists, other doctors and friends but I am so afraid to make any changes as it might trigger his acuate symptoms. I wish I had a crystal ball and knew what to do.
Oct 20, 2023
 Boyfriend screams, flails, and attacks NEW
by: Anonymous

My heart is breaking reading all of these stories, but, also it is comforting to know I'm not alone. I've been with my boyfriend 1.5 years, and the night terrors are violent. He told me he started acting out his dreams when he was a teen (he has a lot of childhood trauma as well) and former GFs also informed him he attacks in his sleep. Last night he hit me in the face, hard. My nose is swollen and I have a headache still. Other times he wakes up screaming things as though he's fighting (I wake up to him swearing loudly). He has put his hand over my mouth and pinched my nose shut, hit me, and kicked me. It all happens SO fast, too! And hard to wake him up. He usually does not remember his dreams. I am scared to start a family with this behavior. He has NEVER physically hurt me while he is awake. This is just a sleeping thing and I'm terrified to find out what this issue is, but we need to so that we can hopefully manage these symptoms. He did recently get surgery to improve his airways, and he is sleeping better. The night terrors have decreased since the surgery, and also, he is sober since the surgery (Which I think helps? idk). Not sure if any of your partners described above have deep traumas, but I'm thinking it has something to do with this behavior.
He's VERY strong, and I am so afraid that he will punch my face one day, or punch a future pregnant belly, and my relationship will start to crumble.
Praying for all of us to find answers so we can all live more peaceful lives.

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