The following is a visitor-submitted question or story. For more, you can submit your own sleep story here, or browse the collection of experiences and questions other visitors have shared here.

Possible Sexsomnia - My Partner Sometimes Initiates Sex In Middle Of Night But Doesn't Remember

by Monica
(Rincón, Puerto Rico)

My partner repeatedly wakes me up during the middle of the night to initiate making out or intercourse. Sometimes we continue, sometimes he just stops and turns around and starts snoring. The next day he can't remember what he has done or said. We used to have fights over this but then I realized that he might have sexsomnia since he also seems to have sleep apnea (he's 28 and not overweight).

He is going to have a sleep study which should clear everything up in terms of diagnosis and treatment. However, what really baffles me is that sometimes he will cuddle me and say sweet things to me without trying to initiate intercourse and the next day he doesn't remember either.

My question is, is there a possibility that he is expressing feelings from his subconscious during sleep towards me? I must clarify that he is not my boyfriend but we have spent almost a year in a sort of "open relationship." He is very affectionate with me but many times will not kiss me while awake or even initiate sex with me. However when asleep he is super sweet and says I'm his girl or my love or things like that as well as make out with me or have sex (When we have had sex he does wake up and continues until we finish and clean up to go back to bed).

Yesterday night he hugged me and I asked him if he was awake and he looked at me straight in the eyes and said yes. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and neck and then went to sleep. He didn't remember that either today, not even the part where he made fun of himself by doing sex like motions (He and I have openly discussed he may have sexsomnia and I have been documenting what he says and does). What could be going on psychologically if anything? I am a psychologist and believe he is also depressed and has serious issues with his mother....

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Sexsomnia Stories.

Enjoy this page? Please help us pay it forward to others who would find it valuable by Liking, Sharing, Tweeting, Stumbling, and/or Voting below.

About This Site

Welcome! This site is continuously being created by students of Dr. William C. Dement's Sleep And Dreams course at Stanford University.

We made this site as a call to action for people all over the world to live healthier, happier, safer, and more productive lives by learning about their own sleep. We have faith that reading the information provided on this site will motivate you to be smart about your sleep deprivation and strategic about your alertness in order to live life to your fullest, most energetic potential.

In fact, we challenge you to do so! What do you say, are you up for the challenge?

A Note On Visitor-Submitted Questions:

Publishing sleep stories and questions from our visitors is meant to create a forum for open and proactive dialogue about an extremely important portion of our lives (one that occupies 1/3 of it and affects the other 2/3) that isn't talked about enough. It is not meant to substitute a trip to the doctor or the advice of a specialist. It's good to talk; it is not good to avoid consulting someone who's profession it is to help you with this kind of stuff.

If you are in any way concerned about your sleep health, don't wait for an answer on here, and don't necessarily rely on them. See a sleep specialist in your area as soon as possible.

More Questions:

Ask | Answer

The Stanford Sleep Book

Stanford Sleep Book Picture

Dr. Dement's pioneering textbook has been the core text for Sleep and Dreams since 1980, but it has just recently been made available to the wider public for the first time.

In it you'll find a more detailed account of the most important things you need to know about sleep, alertness, dreams, and sleep disorders. Studies, statistics, plus plenty of Dr. Dement's classic anecdotes painting the history of sleep medicine.

Preface | Intro | Contents | Get A Copy

More Sleep Resources

The Zeo

A revolution in personal sleep tracking, the Zeo is a wireless headband that transmits your brainwaves in realtime to a dock (pictured here) or your smartphone. The result? You can wake up and see exactly what stages of sleep you were in during the night! Unprecedented personalized sleep knowledge.

Sleep Paralysis: A Dreamer's Guide

Sleep Paralysis Treatment Book

Ever woken up paralyzed? A surprising number of us have, believe it or not. But few know the actual causes of this phenomenon, and fewer still how to exert control over it. Dream researcher and sleep paralysis expert Ryan Hurd shares breakthrough insights into how to do just that.

Important Disclaimer

Please Note:

The information found on this page and throughout this site is intended for general information purposes only. While it may prove useful and empowering, it is NOT intended as a substitute for the expertise and judgments of healthcare practitioners.

For more info, see our
Terms of Use.