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Possible Sexsomnia - My Partner Sometimes Initiates Sex In Middle Of Night But Doesn't Remember

by Monica
(Rincón, Puerto Rico)

My partner repeatedly wakes me up during the middle of the night to initiate making out or intercourse. Sometimes we continue, sometimes he just stops and turns around and starts snoring. The next day he can't remember what he has done or said. We used to have fights over this but then I realized that he might have sexsomnia since he also seems to have sleep apnea (he's 28 and not overweight).


He is going to have a sleep study which should clear everything up in terms of diagnosis and treatment. However, what really baffles me is that sometimes he will cuddle me and say sweet things to me without trying to initiate intercourse and the next day he doesn't remember either.

My question is, is there a possibility that he is expressing feelings from his subconscious during sleep towards me? I must clarify that he is not my boyfriend but we have spent almost a year in a sort of "open relationship." He is very affectionate with me but many times will not kiss me while awake or even initiate sex with me. However when asleep he is super sweet and says I'm his girl or my love or things like that as well as make out with me or have sex (When we have had sex he does wake up and continues until we finish and clean up to go back to bed).

Yesterday night he hugged me and I asked him if he was awake and he looked at me straight in the eyes and said yes. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and neck and then went to sleep. He didn't remember that either today, not even the part where he made fun of himself by doing sex like motions (He and I have openly discussed he may have sexsomnia and I have been documenting what he says and does). What could be going on psychologically if anything? I am a psychologist and believe he is also depressed and has serious issues with his mother....

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