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Sleep Affairs

by Constance Gray
(Jasper, Texas)

My fiance has been talking in his sleep for over a year now. He often talks to other people, work related or current events. I get very concerned when he starts calling out names of other women, especially his ex-girlfriend. He speaks plainly at times but its almost as if he is consciously unconscious. If that makes any sense.


I'm a very light sleeper and the least little noise wake me up. So when he starts talking, I listen. And since most of his sleep talking involves current events, I am worried that he is cheating on me. But as soon as I say something he stops. And sometimes he jumps up as if he's lost or to see where he is. Am I reading too much into this? He is a compulsive liar so I don't believe anythings he says about who he is talking to. He will never admit to talking to this female, but other things he remembers.

Comments for Sleep Affairs

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Nov 04, 2011
trust
by: Anonymous

Hi:
Unless you have issues with trust with other people, I think its best to trust your intuition, your gut or whatever you call it.
Take care

Nov 14, 2011
Fiance? NEW
by: Anonymous

He's a compulsive liar? I'd reconsider getting married - the #1 foundation in a marriage is trust and if he's a compulsive liar and you find it difficult trusting anything he says, how will that play out in "Happily Ever After". Seriously!

Feb 27, 2012
Adding to my last very long comment!! NEW
by: Kerri

Sorry I forgot to mention the compulsive lying thing I swore he was a compulsive liar too, but in therapy I found out he was always afraid of my response because I would flip out so he would say what he thought I wanted to hear even if it had nothing to do with a girl or cheating crazy right but that was his way of thinking it is so different from ours I still don't understand that but again therapy really helped us communicate that whole lying thing sometimes I think they go into defense mode once we start with the questions and accusations that they will say anything to shut us up even if it's a lie about something stupid. Again I really hope all is well and my comments help.

Mar 31, 2012
You can't be serious?!? NEW
by: Anonymous

You think because he's mentioning names and sometimes you can/sometime's can't make sense of what he says,this is evidence? Wow! Not sure who should break off the engagement first! You, because he's a compulsive liar...then why would you believe he even loves you when he says he does? Or him, because you are bat**** crazy!

I talk in my sleep and my son does also. It sometimes runs in families and is rare in adults. I guess I'm guilty too then, 'cause guess what? Me and Johnny Depp, Jason Statham, and Daniel Craig are gettin' it on practically every night! Sometimes I dream I'm Batman so I guess that makes me a superhero too.

It isn't the sleep talker that has the problem here, it's you. If all you have is this for evidence, give it up. You either trust someone or you don't. It looks to me like you are doing everything you can to see what you want to see. And in that case, this guy will never be able to prove his innocence. We are exposed to temptation every single day. You can "read" anything into any behaviour if you try hard enough.

Dec 01, 2012
reply to "you cant be serious" NEW
by: Anonymous

What a very helpful honest and well thought out response. Its people like you that actaully help others. Well done you should be proud.

Mar 25, 2013
sleep confessions? NEW
by: Azure

I canb't remember any long periods time in my life where I haven't sleep walked or talked. Since I'm a light sleeper it's not unusual for me to wake myself up. My conversations range from superhero dreams (I'm wonder woman. Who not only saves humanity but flies as well) to working on my computer, teaching lessons to my classes (yeah,I'm a teacher), to having romps with male coworkers and friends. I've been married and have been very faithful to my husband for 19 years. He's apparently had what he considers hilarious conversations (totally messing with me by playing along in my noctural conversations) and he has been disturbed to hear me speak out another man's name and I don't know what else. Once awake he's asked me about my feelings for John or Tom, etc. Usually which in conscious thought 'grosses me out' and leaves me with a 'eew! Why would I even consider that person like that?' Slimy kind of feeling. Or I get offended that my husband would even question my fidelity based on unconsious utterances. Someone mentioned TRUST being necessary. It is. Just like continously having to save the world with my awesome super powers, teaching lessons on analyzing historical events (like I don't have enough work at work), I don't control other actions or conversations with ex's, coworkers, friens etc. What I say in a dream doesn't mean a thing upon waking. My husband has learned to trust me regardless of what he may hear in my nocturnal ramblings. He is secure in the knowledge that I love him and would never conciosly hurt him or jeapordize our relationship. So I write all of this comee to this point: what is really making you. Feel like you can't trust? It's not just nocturnal conversations. Why do you distrust so much? When that can be acknowledged and worked on then little things won't bother you. Do you want to be judged by the nature of your dreams? Sleep talking is verbalization of dreams not necissarily the 'true' desires of the dreamer.

Apr 12, 2013
Help NEW
by: Anonymous

Hi, This is the first time I have ever spoken about my sleep talking to anyone other than my wife. Sleep talking has become such a problem that today my wife wanted to leave me. My sleep talk apparently involves explicit acts with my ex wife,who by the way I hate and have not spoken to for years. I have been happily married to my current wife for ten years, most of which, I am told, I have spoked in my sleep, usually sexually. My wife believes that subconsciously I do not want to be with her due to my sleep talk and it has made her quite paranoid and very stressed. I wake most mornings wondering if I will be greeted with a smile or a cold shoulder.I cannot explain sleep talk I cannot believe the things I am saying. If you live with a sleep talker all I can say from my experience is that in no way does the words or actions relate to any feelings, conscious or sub conscious! I hate what is happening to me knowing there is no cure. I have ground down the heart of the woman I cherish the most. Please if you love your partner, don't take anything to heart that is spoken in sleep. We don't know its happening we don't want it to happen. If you are like me, you dread waking in case you have hurt your loved one again :(

Sep 08, 2013
Thank you NEW
by: Anonymous

We have a great family and we have been very faithful.
The other night my confidence took a massive impact from sleep talking.
Early a.m. my wife woke me up sleep talking including things like "he's bought a new rod" and "He's going fishing" and "be discreet" and kept stating a date.
I had bought a new fishing rod that day.
I will be away on that date.
I couldn't sleep and just got up, something in the way she reached out and touched me and said "be discreet" as I sat up in bed as she said be had triggered a gut response in me.
But - my daughter has arranged to be at home with my wife on that date and won't be going out.
All I can do is carry on trusting my wife, but we have survival hard wired in us, and that includes survival of our family - so it is a strange feeling. The destruction of our beautiful family would be terrible beyond imagining.
Reading the above posts where sleep talkers say outrageous things has really helped.
Thank you.

Feb 05, 2014
Other side NEW
by: JaBo

I am on the other side of it. I have been sleep talking every night since September 2013 (5 months now). Me and my wife have been sleeping in the same room for 7 years, same house for 2-3. So I can't think of any changes to our habits. I've always been a sleep talker and have yelled occasionally, but never like this.

Obviously, I don't know exactly what I say, I want to record it, but my wife says that'll it hard fort her to sleep - creepy-like. But, she has told me I am basically the worst person in my sleep. I open my eyes, sit up, shake her, talk to her, yell at her, even hit her. I've talked specifically about another woman named "Jess" that I don't even know. But apparently I talk about her a lot, I've been specific and apparently told my wife that this lady is nicer and better and well other specific things. Obviously my wife is going to think I'm cheating on her. I don't know how to fix this.

I also will cuss people out of they wake me up and I won't remember it, but that's nothing compared to what I'm doing now.

Nov 20, 2015
the struggle of balance life NEW
by: Anonymous

I learn today I sleep talk as well but I say other women name but I never cheated on my wife i work I be very exhausted from that and spending time with our newborn son and having our 1 on 1 time but I'm always seeking to be better at life and a husband I jump out my sleep thinking where am I what's going on I tell her everything even if she don't believe me I tell her to continue show her I'm not leaving her but it's going in one ear out the other and I do have naughty dreams with other women in my head but I know my wife means a lot to me and my son to lose it all and it's putting a strain on our marriage.i dream about my exes Kuz I wonder what if a lot of the times because I got hurt bad by 1 even though I don't talk to her my wife feels like I'm goin to cheat on her Kuz of this

Nov 20, 2015
the struggle of balance life NEW
by: Anonymous

I learn today I sleep talk as well but I say other women name but I never cheated on my wife i work I be very exhausted from that and spending time with our newborn son and having our 1 on 1 time but I'm always seeking to be better at life and a husband I jump out my sleep thinking where am I what's going on I tell her everything even if she don't believe me I tell her to continue show her I'm not leaving her but it's going in one ear out the other and I do have naughty dreams with other women in my head but I know my wife means a lot to me and my son to lose it all and it's putting a strain on our marriage.i dream about my exes Kuz I wonder what if a lot of the times because I got hurt bad by 1 even though I don't talk to her my wife feels like I'm goin to cheat on her Kuz of this

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