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Sleep Talking Ruined My Relationship

by Becky
(Pennsylvania)

I met my current boyfriend about a year ago, at a time that I really wasn't looking for anyone. I had just broken up with a boy I was with for two years, and was ready to live it up. When I met my current boyfriend everything changed and we fell in love. He had never had a girlfriend before me, but he never was intimidated by my past.


It wasn't until 7 months into the relationship that I started sleep talking. By this time we had already been on vacations together, and fallen asleep multiple times together. Well apparently I dozed off that night and said I was still in love with my ex boyfriend. I can assure you I am not, the day this happened I was talking with a friend about that relationship and how happy I am now compared to then. I didnt even know I said it. He just told me I said some one else's name in my sleep and I didn't know what name it was.

Obviously this statement hurt my boyfriend and stressed me out. I'm always afraid of saying it, and this fear has had me say it about 20 times since September. Now my boyfriend is upset, and believes my subconscious is telling him I want some one else. This is not true at all, and I can't control the ridiculous things I say in my sleep.


Kevin: Hi Becky, I can empathize with your frustration! There are just so many absurd things we say in our sleep though (just see Sleep Talkin' Man) that it's hard to say any of it is any veritable conscious or unconscious desires. I expect it to be more from habit than anything (like the automaton nature of sleepwalking). You were with your previous boyfriend for 2 years, and it is understandable that those habits would have formed. Maybe your boyfriend would feel better if he knew some about the nature of sleepwalking.

In any case, I wish you all the best in convincing him of your honesty through your actions, and hope for a long and loving relationship!

Warmly,
Kevin

Comments for Sleep Talking Ruined My Relationship

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Dec 13, 2013
Very similar NEW
by: Anonymous

I am in a very similar situation, however my boyfriend and I have only been together for four months. It started by me saying a name of the guy I had most recently slept with. After the third time I told him why I thought I was saying that name, hoping it would make it stop. Since telling him I have not stopped sleep talking and he says I make sexual propositions in my sleep but I say other guys names. I dont know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much and if I wasnt with him I would want to be single. I am with him cause I want to be with him forever. He is very hurt by what I do though and I know I couldn't handle it if he talked about other girls in his sleep. If you find a solution, let me know.

May 04, 2016
help! NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm in a similar position right now where I've been going out with this guy for a couple of months but apparently I've been saying my exes name in my sleep! (we went out for 2 years also) I don't know what to do I know he has bad trust issues and is generally insecure about things but this hurts him even more and I can't take hurting him. he says he's not good enough for me and I must still love my ex and it kills me

Sep 21, 2016
Sleep talking NEW
by: Anonymous

Exact same with me happened this morning I woke up trying to get my boyfriend up and ready for work but he was all grumpy with me and wasn't letting me touch him, then he goes 'you were sleep talking again talking about how much better sex was with your ex's and that I was ok' and at first I laughed coz I thought he was joking coz I know I sleep talk but when I do I normally remember what I'm saying as what is happening in my dreams that's what I'm talking aloud, then he pure went mental and he's fell out with me but I never even had a dream last night and I feel so bad and I want to know why I'm saying this stuff in my sleep

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