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Sleep Talking Ruined My Relationship

by Becky

I met my current boyfriend about a year ago, at a time that I really wasn't looking for anyone. I had just broken up with a boy I was with for two years, and was ready to live it up. When I met my current boyfriend everything changed and we fell in love. He had never had a girlfriend before me, but he never was intimidated by my past.

It wasn't until 7 months into the relationship that I started sleep talking. By this time we had already been on vacations together, and fallen asleep multiple times together. Well apparently I dozed off that night and said I was still in love with my ex boyfriend. I can assure you I am not, the day this happened I was talking with a friend about that relationship and how happy I am now compared to then. I didnt even know I said it. He just told me I said some one else's name in my sleep and I didn't know what name it was.

Obviously this statement hurt my boyfriend and stressed me out. I'm always afraid of saying it, and this fear has had me say it about 20 times since September. Now my boyfriend is upset, and believes my subconscious is telling him I want some one else. This is not true at all, and I can't control the ridiculous things I say in my sleep.

Kevin: Hi Becky, I can empathize with your frustration! There are just so many absurd things we say in our sleep though (just see Sleep Talkin' Man) that it's hard to say any of it is any veritable conscious or unconscious desires. I expect it to be more from habit than anything (like the automaton nature of sleepwalking). You were with your previous boyfriend for 2 years, and it is understandable that those habits would have formed. Maybe your boyfriend would feel better if he knew some about the nature of sleepwalking.

In any case, I wish you all the best in convincing him of your honesty through your actions, and hope for a long and loving relationship!


Comments for Sleep Talking Ruined My Relationship

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Dec 13, 2013
Very similar NEW
by: Anonymous

I am in a very similar situation, however my boyfriend and I have only been together for four months. It started by me saying a name of the guy I had most recently slept with. After the third time I told him why I thought I was saying that name, hoping it would make it stop. Since telling him I have not stopped sleep talking and he says I make sexual propositions in my sleep but I say other guys names. I dont know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much and if I wasnt with him I would want to be single. I am with him cause I want to be with him forever. He is very hurt by what I do though and I know I couldn't handle it if he talked about other girls in his sleep. If you find a solution, let me know.

May 04, 2016
help! NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm in a similar position right now where I've been going out with this guy for a couple of months but apparently I've been saying my exes name in my sleep! (we went out for 2 years also) I don't know what to do I know he has bad trust issues and is generally insecure about things but this hurts him even more and I can't take hurting him. he says he's not good enough for me and I must still love my ex and it kills me

Sep 21, 2016
Sleep talking NEW
by: Anonymous

Exact same with me happened this morning I woke up trying to get my boyfriend up and ready for work but he was all grumpy with me and wasn't letting me touch him, then he goes 'you were sleep talking again talking about how much better sex was with your ex's and that I was ok' and at first I laughed coz I thought he was joking coz I know I sleep talk but when I do I normally remember what I'm saying as what is happening in my dreams that's what I'm talking aloud, then he pure went mental and he's fell out with me but I never even had a dream last night and I feel so bad and I want to know why I'm saying this stuff in my sleep

Apr 12, 2018
Im so confused NEW
by: Anonymous

Hi, my ex was in a toxic relationship for 8 years with his ex grlf. She also cheated on him, stole his biggest client (they worked together) and so he hates her. We have been together for nearly a year but he has called me her affectionate nickname in his sleep couple of times (today again. 2:50 am) He says he hates her and I believe him but worry so much that deep inside he hasn’t overcome her. Should I be more understanding and confident?

Jul 07, 2018
Sleep talker NEW
by: Anonymous

From a person that sleep talks. Do not take anything said in a dream effect your relationship. For one we can not control our dreams and two we don't even remember what we have said. I know it is easier said then done. I have been with my husband for 12 years. But we have took turns working 3rd shift. Now we are able to sleep together and night being on the same shift. And my sleep talking has started taking a toll on our marriage. He can't sleep weather it's my talking or if he is trying to see if I will spill some beans.He questions me in the mornings, what did you dream about last night. And sometimes I can't even remember my dreams. But doesn't mean I didn't say anything,that was unpleasant to him.

Dec 11, 2020
Somerset sleep talking NEW
by: Anonymous

My partner sleep talks in graphic detail about her past sexual relationships , it hurts so so much , and she is actually talking to them ( especially one ) who she tells in her sleep she loves them .
She feels awful about it , and i know she cant control her sub conscious , butbj hurt so so much , i love this woman so much it is unbelievable , but j cant keep taking this

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