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Sleeping Beauty And A Sexomniac

(Seattle WA US)

I sleep like a rock. I work 6 days a week and usually fall asleep within seconds. I can usually remember at least part of one dream per night and I know I have a healthy R.E.M. Sleep.

My fiancé doesn't sleep well at all. He has a hard time falling asleep and needs cartoons on (which drives me insane because I like it dark). If he does have a dream it is always a nightmare and he wakes up screaming. (He has PTSD as well).

Anyways, we have been sleeping together for 5 years. I often wake up to being touched/fondled, or more commonly to intercourse, or wake up aroused after the fact (which sucks because I slept through the whole thing!).

He is usually really gentle but sometimes very aggressive and vulgar. He never remembers in the morning. That is the frustrating part.

I used to get angry about the situation thinking he was violating me on purpose because I was asleep then saying he didn't remember in order to get out of trouble. I would tell him "I don't care if you remember or not, if it's non consensual it is rape." But if you think about it that way, he is raping himself too, because he really has no clue what he is doing.

Sometimes he will be talking and I will think he's entirely awake and I will participate and we have a great sex but he doesn't remember that in the morning either. So whether I'm conscious during the deed or not, he can't be held accountable for it because he doesn't realize he's even doing it unless I tell him it happened again. And he always feels bad.

I don't hate having sex, when he wakes me up I don't stop it, just lay there and wait for him to finish and fall back asleep. I just feel bad about the situation and wish there was a way to make him remember.

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About This Site

Welcome! This site is continuously being created by students of Dr. William C. Dement's Sleep And Dreams course at Stanford University.

We made this site as a call to action for people all over the world to live healthier, happier, safer, and more productive lives by learning about their own sleep. We have faith that reading the information provided on this site will motivate you to be smart about your sleep deprivation and strategic about your alertness in order to live life to your fullest, most energetic potential.

In fact, we challenge you to do so! What do you say, are you up for the challenge?

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If you are in any way concerned about your sleep health, don't wait for an answer on here, and don't necessarily rely on them. See a sleep specialist in your area as soon as possible.

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The Stanford Sleep Book

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Dr. Dement's pioneering textbook has been the core text for Sleep and Dreams since 1980, but it has just recently been made available to the wider public for the first time.

In it you'll find a more detailed account of the most important things you need to know about sleep, alertness, dreams, and sleep disorders. Studies, statistics, plus plenty of Dr. Dement's classic anecdotes painting the history of sleep medicine.

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The Zeo

A revolution in personal sleep tracking, the Zeo is a wireless headband that transmits your brainwaves in realtime to a dock (pictured here) or your smartphone. The result? You can wake up and see exactly what stages of sleep you were in during the night! Unprecedented personalized sleep knowledge.

Sleep Paralysis: A Dreamer's Guide

Sleep Paralysis Treatment Book

Ever woken up paralyzed? A surprising number of us have, believe it or not. But few know the actual causes of this phenomenon, and fewer still how to exert control over it. Dream researcher and sleep paralysis expert Ryan Hurd shares breakthrough insights into how to do just that.

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