The Dive (S&D)
The beginning of the dream is unimportant. It was full of roiling waters that were engulfing the world slowly. It was caused by some evil thing that hung over the ocean, out of the sky, on the horizon. I went out on a mission with 5 other people to save the world, or at least to attempt it. I came to the realization that the world would likely end anyway. So I left them and returned home, hoping my boyfriend would be there waiting for me. If the world was going to end I wanted to spend what was left of it with him.
The house, as with many of the houses in my dreams, was a representation of my childhood home. Except that the forest came right up to my back door, and the rooms were all wide and open, and there were fewer walls.
I walked into my home, the sun was setting. I was feeling sad, useless. It didn't look like my boyfriend had come back here. I felt a stab of worry and guilt that we had parted ways at all, with the end of the world so close. There were two dark brown couches, positioned in an L shape in the middle of the room, a few feet away, the wall oposite of the door I had entered through was covered with drab brown curtains on brass rings. One panel was pulled aside so I could see the sunlight filtering in as it set.
There were people in the house, making sure the curtains weren't falling down. One woman turned to speak with me. I moved over to another part of the room, there was a thin wall separating the living area from the bathroom. There was a wide vanity by the wall, and at the end of the long skinny room was another room with a door, I could see the tub from where I stood. I glanced at the woman, who had followed me.
"He's not here." I said.
"No he's not."
"When that water is finished drawing," As I said it I could hear the water running in the bathroom "I'm going to go in there and I'm going to kill myself."
She didn't seem shocked. I got a strange mental picture of me cheating on my boyfriend with a stranger, thus my guilt. As far as I could tell he didn't know about my betrayal yet. But I was worried that somehow he had found out and that is why he hadn't returned home.
The woman left me there to stare at tub.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement on the couch. Suddenly I was standing in front of it. The house was getting darker. All I could see of my boyfriend was his arm coming out from beneath a blanket. I touched his arm, his face emerged. He kept his eyes closed, but I knew he was awake. For a second it looked like he was going to smile.
"Honey, let's go somewhere." I whispered, feeling like I was going to cry. "Let's escape to some other place, we can be together until the world slips into the sea."
He opened his eyes but it was slow, and for a second he did not look at me, then his eyes slid to lock with mine. They held such raw contempt that I
had trouble keeping eye contact.
"What makes you think I want to go with you, after what you did?"
"Please, I made a mistake, I know it. Can't we just...forget? The world is ending, I want mine to end with you."
He grimaced and then turned away from me, he went very still. I knew he no longer acknowledged my existance. The absence of his regard was too much. I had betrayed him. Something seemed to tear in my chest.
I stared down at the pile of blankets, his still form. Then I turned away to face the wall with the curtains. One side was half drawn back, the other lacked the curtains that it had before, they were piled on the floor. I saw now that the whole wall was made up of long clear panels of glass, from ceiling to floor. One of the panels was open.
I made a decision.
The pain was too much, the world would end soon anyway. I would just end my own sooner. What did it matter, he had left me. I had no one else. I was alone.
I stepped to the very edge of the floor, looking out over the world.
The buildings were giants, my own apartment was not the top of the building, and this wasn't a house as I had percieved it at first. The structures were so tall that they dwarfed even the titan trees I knew sprawled over the grounds below. I could see the tail of a river, calm, sparkling in the sun. It was morning now, no longer dusk.
My feet were bare. I could feel the tile, cold under them. I saw the hem of my knee length dress, it was white with big black and red flowers on it.
I glanced over my shoulder once, at the couch. It would be so simple. Grief rose screaming in my head. Without another thought I dove off the building.
The wind rushed past me. I could feel it on my face, whipping through my hair. I knew beyond a doubt that the fall would kill me, and I became aware that I was dreaming and that I had the choice to wake up before I hit the ground.
No, I thought, how often do you get to jump off a building like that?
I knew that I would land in water, and that it would kill me. I knew I could wake myself up, and chose not to. As I fell I could feel my distress, my pain, being stripped away. My tears dried. I fell for a long time, I remember trying to direct myself to the tree canopy. It seemed to work.
When I came to the canopy my awareness split. I was suddenly crouching at bank of a tranquil pond, I heard branches snapping and a body tumbled heavily through the trees and crashed into the water.
I watched silently, rose from my crouch, feeling completely at peace with it all. I looked at the body curiously, she was like me, and yet she wasn't. More like a broken doll, a manequin. I took her wrists in my hands and pulled her from the water. I laid her out under a tree and covered her, closing her eyes for her with my hand.
Then I left, confidence restored, I was going to go save the world.
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