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Total Lack Of Sleep For Six Years In My Youth


Not just insomnia but Vigilia killed my life and I was full of it, sick of it and with it forever in weakness and pain, everyday of my youth. Seemed like I was being punished and condemned to hell through what should have been my best years as a young girl, from the age of twelve to eighteen. It’s so lonely and isolating and no one understands the terror of that kind of pain, losing it hopelessly with no hope of recovery or with no tomorrow. Blame it on traumas, I was deeply traumatized and made fun of as a child. Robbed from my birth mother while I was asleep. I used ice inside kitchen cloth and I tied it around my front head to bear the pain, to withstand the sickness, the terror of the sickness of years of total lack of sleep. Pure exhaustion it is. Every little pleasure was stolen from me with that disease. My life changed and as I couldn’t work I was forced to hide in studying languages and literatures because my math ability vanished forever with lack of sleep. It has been hell living with that handicap.

Completely sick in bed dying at 21, with bowel infection, mumps, renal infection and thin to the bone, my sort of adoptive mother asked me if I wanted to see a genius psychiatrist, a Nobel prize then on TV, as last resource. I was dying quickly and a lot of being discredited by healthy people strongly contributed to it. My body was giving up but my mind never stopped to rest with anxiety and more restlessness the more tired my body was. Nothing relieved my severe pains, dizziness, lack of concentration, memory loss, etc, you name it. Like in a plague I was robbed of my brightful mind. I was very intelligent before. I was saved though.

I needed psychoanalysis but no one would spend that amount of money on a wreck like me, so the doctor begged my parents to accept to pay psychotherapy three times a week until I could pay for it fully. And that's how I got saved! It took me a lifetime to recover, even today, at 52, I still bear the scars of total lack of sleep, the sheer terror, nothing compares to that suffering, not being able to be myself was more than hell. I tried and kept on making efforts and all sacrifices called for to not think about it too much. I still lighten and empty my mind and try sincerely to never think of this “horror” or anything that upsets me before sleep. Please solve your problems, accept whatever it you have to accept and let go. Accept yourself we are worthy of the highest value even when our pain is silenced and suffocated. Just let it go, let it be. You deserve to give yourself that rest. All the best.

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About This Site

Welcome! This site is continuously being created by students of Dr. William C. Dement's Sleep And Dreams course at Stanford University.

We made this site as a call to action for people all over the world to live healthier, happier, safer, and more productive lives by learning about their own sleep. We have faith that reading the information provided on this site will motivate you to be smart about your sleep deprivation and strategic about your alertness in order to live life to your fullest, most energetic potential.

In fact, we challenge you to do so! What do you say, are you up for the challenge?

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Publishing sleep stories and questions from our visitors is meant to create a forum for open and proactive dialogue about an extremely important portion of our lives (one that occupies 1/3 of it and affects the other 2/3) that isn't talked about enough. It is not meant to substitute a trip to the doctor or the advice of a specialist. It's good to talk; it is not good to avoid consulting someone who's profession it is to help you with this kind of stuff.

If you are in any way concerned about your sleep health, don't wait for an answer on here, and don't necessarily rely on them. See a sleep specialist in your area as soon as possible.

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The Stanford Sleep Book

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Dr. Dement's pioneering textbook has been the core text for Sleep and Dreams since 1980, but it has just recently been made available to the wider public for the first time.

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