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Why Does My Boyfriend Occasionally Hit Me In His Sleep

by Erica Warren

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 yrs. Out of those few years he has striked me occasionally usually at night after we have a dispute. He's punched me in my temple, my shoulder blades, my kidneys all of which awake me from my sleep. All causing inscrutable pain.

I become very mad and upset, I question him and he says he was obviously doing it in his sleep. Why would he hit me on purpose. He appears to be awake pretending to be asleep after I awake... He says I'm the only person who he's done it to.

I've never been awakened by him, not from sleep talking, or even moving around other than these times he's hit me, I need to clarify what is causing this.

Could it be a sleep disorders or could it be abuse. I won't sleep in bed with him due to the fact he doesn't understand it as a problem, and I'm not sure what causes it.. Please help me figure out what the potential possibility are.. Thank you, Erica Warren

Comments for Why Does My Boyfriend Occasionally Hit Me In His Sleep

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Oct 22, 2014
Possible REM Behavior Disorder
by: Kevin

Hi Erica, thanks for sharing your story. There is a sleep disorder called REM Behavior Disorder (RBD) that is often the culprit in instances where someone hits a bed partner in their sleep. RBD causes the sleeper to occasionally act out part of their dreams. Frequently, the sleeper does not have any recollection of the assault, but may remember they were doing something in a dream when it happened, like fighting off an intruder. You can read more about it at the link below, and see other visitor-submitted stories similar to yours at the bottom of that page:

Jun 20, 2017
Same NEW
by: Mamabear91

You are not all alone in this. I experience the same and I am perplexed, frustrated, angry and once again wide awake while he snores away. Here I am awake while he sleeps after being woken up by the lightest punch so far. Yes, it tends to happen during a night after a disagreement, it often hurts and it's very startling to be awoken by a punch to the head from your mate. If you stumble upon this, and this has happened to you please comment. At this point, I no longer believe it's accidental. My prior Husband of 20 plus years never hit me in all those years and this marriage has been not quite yet 3 years long

Jul 04, 2017
Possible REM Sleep Disorder NEW
by: Anonymous

Hi I've been seeing a guy for 8 weeks. He stays over twice a week..last night we went to bed no arguments had a lovely evening together. I woke about 130am to being punched in the face twice on my right cheek..he lept out of bed, was so remorseful and felt physically sick that he'd hit me, he said he was in a nightmare and saw an animal in the bed. I was in shock and very sore..I've never experienced this before. I asked him to leave cos I was worried it could happen again. I'm thinking I'll have to end it with him now which is sad but can't live with the fear of not knowing what might happen in the future if he stays over. He did say he's never done it before. I'm also wondering if his drinking habit of 5beers a night during the week and more on the weekends, like 13 beers is something that can bring this on...but he is only 27yrs old when I've read it's normally older men. Thoughts anyone? ? Thanks.

Jan 15, 2018
Not alone NEW
by: Betty

In bed, my husband punched me in the mouth by accident first thing this morning and showed more anger at me than remorse. His eyes were open and it frightened me. It has happened multiple times "in his sleep" and this time l was outraged, still am. I had to ice my lip. It was helpful to read that it is common after a fight. He was having nightmares too. has help, even just to talk. We are NOT alone

Feb 08, 2018
Same thing NEW
by: Anonymous

Just chiming in you are not alone. My boyfriend slugged me three times in the cheek and later grabbed me by the back of the neck allegedly while sleeping and having a dream. He claims he's never done this before and he's nearly 60. I was advised to break things off. I have not seen him since this happened and I'm unwilling to take another chance especially as I'm in my 50s.

Feb 09, 2018
Hit in sleep NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm experiencing similar situations I've been punched slapped grapped all by my boyfriend when he's sleeping I'm starting to great going to bed... when nit happens he wakes up & is remorseful I'm at a loss don't know what to do or how to get him help

Feb 09, 2018
Hit in sleep NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm experiencing similar situations I've been punched slapped grapped all by my boyfriend when he's sleeping I'm starting to dread going to bed... when nit happens he wakes up & is remorseful I'm at a loss don't know what to do or how to get him help

Feb 24, 2018
A make or break situation in an early relationship NEW
by: Anonymous

It's happening to me just within a 4 month relationship only, I'm lost and confused. i was punched (fist's were clenched) on the side of my face now this has been the third time, the other time he's punched the back of my neck, lower back and kicked me pretty hard. He is a loving person, but at night time when he falls into a deep sleep, i get nervous,i even have to bend his arm away and fold and roll him away..!incase he strikes me unconsciously I told him this morning, and he says "no, no no it's not possible you are lying" and that frustrates me. I wonder is it an undetected emotional problems he has? He is a Virgo,35y/o and is incredibly stubborn and always right.

Apr 02, 2018
Abuse NEW
by: Anonymous

I had this, didn't have to be an argument beforehand, I take a long time to drift off, during the night I was punched around the face area usually, I was suspicious so decided to keep still and quiet before I was tired. One night as his fist came towards my face I grabbed his arm and he was surprised, he was in full control of his movement,next time he stuck his elbow into my back drawing it downward in a line,hard, I stayed still and he repeated this three times until I moved. I became aware that he always aimed for my head, he didn't lash out at thin air when he was faced away from me. I was sure h
E was doing this purposely so one night I did it back, he never mentioned this but didn't do it for a long time, also when he was showing signs of doing I told him that if he hit me again I would punch him in the throat, he would turn over and leave me be. Some of these people may have sleep issues but in my opinion most of them have serious personality disorders.

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